I am tired of these stupid ads that invade my computer every time I go online. How brain-mushed do web-ad people think we really are? By now we are smart enough to know that:

1. This woman is not from your area, and is not really making $5000.00 per week working from home.  She's a clip-art model.

2. No "strange loophole" will get you out of a traffic ticket.

3. There is no "frenzy" over a new diet pill.

4. A 47 year old man has not "angered" the power company with this "weird trick."

5. Trainers don't "hate" this super-photoshopped bodybuilder

6. Plastic surgeons don't "despise" this woman who is "55 but looks 25."

7. You will not learn a new language if several people put their hands on your head.

All these ads target the same stupid spot in everybody's brain that wants to believe that there's some super-easy trick to doing anything hard. Other people know some big secret, that somehow managed to stay a secret to everyone except the smart people who clicked on this cheezy web-ad! If only life was so easy! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pills to take to get me out of traffic tickets, and teach me Spanish.

Healthymealexperts.com lists the 10 "worst" foods, the foods they say are most responsible for weight gain, extra fat, diabetes, heart failure and general unhealthiness (please don't say Oreos please don't say Oreos..). They are:

white bread

potato chips

ice cream

canned fruit

soda

fries

frozen pizza

cinnamon rolls

cheesecake

bacon cheeseburgers.

Okay, well so much for everying else I like!!!

Well, Lisa and I have now officially run out of excuses. My daughter has wanted a dog since she turned 3-days-old, and we've been using this as a bribe or threat for as long a we can remember. "You want a puppy, but you can't even keep your room clean?"

For a while there was an issue with two of our family members having, or believing they had dog-fur allergies. Test results: negative.

Then there were the "Let's wait until after our vacation/move/operation/trial/incarceration/parole" excuses.

So, now it's our "D" day. We're starting to keep our eyes open at various rescues and shelters. Our daughter must have a dog that is A, white, B. small, and C. fluffy. Especially fluffy. This is the key.

There's been a lot in the news lately about business owners complaining about online reviews. I'll tell you that as a former small-business owner (that's my frozen yogurt store above) I just hated those anonymous on-line reviews.

Some people gave us bad reviews because we didn't have the flavors they wanted! Somebody gave me a horrible review because I asked her daughter to please not shoplift! Another gave us a bad on-line review because she didn't like my facebook posts! Seriously! As a business owner, you're stuck with these things forever.

The system is deeply flawed. Anyone with an axe to grind, any competitor, any disgruntled former employee can go online and anonymously contribute to ruining your business. And some on-line review sites are accused of only publishing the "positive" reviews if you agree to advertise with them. I won't read them any more.

Before you read online reviews, please take it from me that people are much, much, much more likely to post a review if they're mad about something, than they are if they were satisfied. Go to the store and try it for yourself!

And thanks for supporting small, local businesses!

I've got a super new weight-loss plan! I should write a book and make a million bucks! It's this simple: have a miserable toothache for a couple weeks, and watch the pounds melt off!

Despite three trips to the dentist, I have a tooth that is extra sensitive to the following:

Cold

Hot

Sweet

Pressure

Breathing

Fog

Games of chance

Conversation

Reality TV 

 Anyway, my two greatest weeknesses (for those plotting my eventual downfall) are Oreos and Mountain Dew. It's entirely possible that those are the cause of both my toothache and the extra couple pounds I picked up over the last few months. But with my new Dr. Brucey's Toothache Diet, my secret, un-natural urges to chew or eat anything have completely disappeared, and so has that man-muffin-top!

In fact, you know what sounds good right now? Some room temperature mashed-potatoes, and a small glass of lukewarm water! But not too much!

Try it, you'll see!

My wife Lisa cooks and I wash the dishes. I know I got the better end of this deal, but don't tell her that!

One thing that's made dishwashing especially nice is the constant parade of hummingbirds right outside our kitchen window. I put a feeder out there for them and make my own hummingbird food (1 cup sugar, 4 cups water, boil.). Hey, I guess I do cook something!

It's been a great spring for hummingbirds around here, and we have several different kinds.

I taped a little stick on the bottom of the feeder, which gives them a place to stop and rest for a minute! It's fun to see them fly while they eat, but they seem to stay longer with the stick to stand on!

Maybe there's a little lesson there! We all just need a stick to stand on and a little sugar water!

It kinda-sorta sounded like a good idea. We tried to go all day Sunday without any computers, ipods or other similar electronics.

8:00am The kids cover everything electric, including light switches, the microwave and the refrigerator with "violation" notices. We like that they were get into the spirit of the thing, but explain that we weren't becoming Amish, growing beards or putting on bonnets.

10:00 Jackson and I wash the cars. No electronics needed. Then I caught him reading a book!

1:00 Lauren and I went ice skating. Everybody happy so far, and the world hasn't ended.

6:30 After dinner. the complaining starts. "I'm bored. This is dumb."

8:00 The screaming begins. "You're ruining my life!  My friends now think you're weird! Are you happy now?"

8:30 Screaming at full-throttle. Lisa is the first to cave. "Should we let her watch her iPod before bed?"

8:45 I cave. The screaming ends. Life returns to normal.

Okay, so we didn't make it, but I think we all learned a valuable lesson that day. That Lisa and I have no backbone!